Bringing Joy from Thailand

Joy Waters is an attractive, diminutive but surprisingly strong masseuse from Thailand. As she is gentle, what is not immediately apparent is the strength of character that propelled her out of her very impoverished childhood background, into the royal palace in Brunei, changing her fortune. When I met her, she was wearing her shoulder length smooth black hair loosely tied back, her aura calm and graceful. Her attire was lime green and white, with camel coloured short boots, fringed with fur and laced. She led me into her new salon, called Joy’s Relaxation Therapy Centre. Tall pillars, high ceilings, swirls of gossamer fabric, Oriental wall-hangings, a small altar with a bronze sculpture (not Buddha), plants in bamboo containers and a Thai wind instrument contributed to the exotic atmosphere. We sat on a futon while she told me her story. ‘My English is not good!’ she told me, before starting.

I’m from Thailand, from a part near Laos. I am the eldest. My father had eight children. My father and mother were really poor, but my father he tried to send me to school. I am 42 years now. I’m talking about when I was 12. I had to go to school then help my parents on the farm. If you wanted to go to secondary school, you had to have money. We had no clothes. My Mum had to cut curtains for me to make dress. Thai people won’t know this kind of poverty, now.

I had to go to school, come back at 3 o’clock. After school I had to run to the fields to tell the cows to come home. I reared the cows. From 4 to 6 o’clock I had to catch frogs, you know, jumping frogs? I had to catch frogs, to prepare for market. My Mum had to grow rice, to take it to market. After three months we could pick the rice. We had to transplant the rice, to grow with water. I had to find food every day.

I also reared 10 buffalo. On the farm we had to use buffalo to prepare land, to plough. On the farm, we also had a little rice, some vegetables. My Mum had to do so much. I see all my life, my Mum so poor, working so hard. I say to myself I have to get good job – any job –I have to be strong, because I cannot see my Mum like this. I have to help her. She has to work so hard because there are too many children. We didn’t have medicine to protect against pregnancy.

My father went to Bangkok, where he worked as a taxi driver, but he didn’t get money for four months, so I had to finish school to take care of the buffalo. I had to take the buffalo to the high land, where there is grass. Then I had to collect grasshoppers, for food, to cook for dinner. And any other things, insects, anything I could catch. I couldn’t go to fish, because I had to mind the buffalo, make sure they didn’t go on someone’s land.
By then, we didn’t have cows, just buffalo. Then I come home, I cook for my Mum. All the time, it was like that until my father said, ‘I have to send you to secondary school. The children often have to take care of the family after they turn 13, so no more school. But my father said, ‘I am going to send you to school’. But I must still earn money, I catch frogs, grasshoppers, I find baby bamboo – I have to find small animals, everything I can find - and on Saturday, Sunday, I am selling in the market.

Also at home I am doing many things in the home to help my Mum. When I am ten, I finish school in my home town. I go to Bangkok, I get a job housekeeping, in a private house. I do this for two years. Then I apply for a job sewing jeans, Tee shirts for a Chinese man. Chinese people have money to buy machines. Not in a factory. It’s very hard to get work in a factory. I had to get my friend to go to the manager and say, ‘can you give my friend a job.’ In 10 minutes we have to finish a Tee shirt, seams, everything. I had to learn how to put these together. I got a chance to go to the factory when I was 28 years old.

I worked very hard, every day. I worked from 8 o’clock, to 5 o’clock. I earned €2 per day. And I had to buy my food. But if you worked overtime, from 6 o’clock to 9 o’clock (after one hour break) you got good money. Another €1. So €3 altogether, if I worked from morning till 9pm. With that, I had to buy food, pay for the room.

We didn’t have a bed, just a mattress. The room was too small. I was sharing with two, three people. We all slept on the mattress. You have a gas cooker, a small table. We had one toilet, which we shared with four rooms. It was €20 a month for three people to share. One day I got a headache, because I was working with the machines all the time, and they were really loud. I got a migraine, and the migraine never went away. I couldn’t work any more, so I looked for a job in a hotel.

In Thailand if you don’t have English, you cannot get job in hotel. I learned English, a little bit, in school. I also liked to read. My dream was one day to go abroad, and if I worked in a good hotel, my English would get better. I didn’t know where abroad was! I didn’t know Europe. All the skin colours. I thought, ‘America.’ I didn’t have TV.

I applied for a job in a four-star hotel - not five star, but a good hotel. But they said I was too short. I said, ‘please. I need a job.’ I had two children with the boyfriend. But we had been separated a long time. So I said please. ‘But you’re short’ ‘But I’m strong! I’ve worked on a farm before, and in a laundry, I have done house-keeping. I don’t mind what work I do. I always learn my duty. Please give me a job.’ He said again, ‘But you’re too short.’ I said, ‘I can stand on a chair!’ And that man who interviewed me, hid a smile. So I got through part one of the interview. I was so happy.

Then I was interviewed by the General Manager in English. ‘How far do you have to travel to come to work? Can you translate this English?’ He was the GM. I said, ‘Mr GM, I was prepared for the first interview, but I forgot about the English, you know,’ and I talked with him. I said,’ ‘Mr GM, I am not good at English. I have had too poor a life. But I want this job. The man interviewed me already. He passed me. I just need a job. Please, not so much English.’

This man also smiled, like this, behind hand. The others told me, watch the paper, if you pass the interview, he will use a red colour pen. I looked to see, red or blue? He put red! He asked me to read in English. Some words I didn’t know, I just jumped the words, and he looked at me like that. I said, ‘I don’t know what this is – please tell me!’ and he laughed. I got the interview. I was so happy.

I worked so hard. I improved every day. We had seven floors. I had number three, the floor reserved for Chinese. Not too VIP, you know. I would say, ‘Good morning! How are you!’ I tried to talk to them. “I’m fine thank you? Yes, I’m fine.’ If they talked and I didn’t know how to answer, I just said, ‘Good morning Sir, good morning, Madame!’ And I got compliments from the customers. I learned all the words I needed, like, ‘you need something? Would you like…?’ The words on the menu, and for laundry, I had to learn.

Then I finished at that hotel. I was sent to Brunei, housekeeping in the king’s palace. My supervisor was paid money to send people to the agency. I was working for the king’s brother for three years. I have my certificate.

Brunei got freedom from another country, England, I think. So I worked in the laundry in the palace. They had many people in the palace. But we were not allowed to look at the king. If he passed, we had to look down, if we could not avoid being there.

The father and mother, they are Muslim, but it’s a good country. I’m Buddhist, but became Christian later, when I worked in Malaysia. Jesus helped me a lot. When I want something, I just say to God, God help me, so I believe in Jesus Christ. Before that, I worshipped Buddha in the temple. Always I prayed to make me strong. When I was Buddhist, I held Buddha. Now I’m Christian, I hold Jesus Christ. (Holds crucifix around her neck.) In my country, you can be any religion. No problem. Before, if somebody was a Christian, they had problems. But now it’s OK. I love God so much.

And then I came back from Brunei to Thailand. They called me for an interview at the agency. I got another job, this time in Dubai. But I didn’t like it there, because the man did not respect me. He respects people like you. He just said, ‘hey, you know…’(gestures lewdness). So I said no. I said bye bye. Then the agency called me for an interview in Malaysia.

When was 10 years old, and my grandmother was ill, I gave her massages. She told me, ‘press there, there, there’. And in Brunei when my boss played football with the prince, he came in the morning with bruises and said, ‘press for me.’ And when the king, the brother of my boss, told him to change the people in the palace (they can only work for a certain time) my boss said to me, ‘if you go to massage school, you can get a job as a masseuse, and get another job abroad.’

So when I come back from Dubai, I did a course in massage, then got a job in Malaysia as a masseuse. I had all the necessary experience now, housekeeping, laundry, massage. If I didn’t have experience, I couldn’t get a job in another country. English and experience together, are number one. And you have to be strong!

It was a good job, in Malaysia, working as a masseuse. I am very good. My manager said I was number one. I got compliments from the customers. I worked in the top resort, Pang Kor Laut resort in central Malaysia. I worked there one year. The next year I moved to another place, Lumut, a YTL hotel, still working for the same company. My co-workers did not like me, because I worked so much. In one day I can massage six, seven clients. My co-workers could not. That’s why they didn’t like me. I work hard, so they blame me.

I knew only the name Europe. I didn’t know where it was. But I said to God, ‘God please – get me to Europe!’ And then God sent my next employer to me! They come from Kinsale. They owned Harbour Lodge, and also the Vintage restaurant. They went to Malaysia in 1999. I massaged the two of them, and they said to me, ‘ Do this and this, go home, and then one day you will get chance to go to Europe. And in 2000 they come to me again and they asked me to work for them in Ireland. And they got me my visa with a permit for housekeeping. Now, I do no more housekeeping. I have been working here for about three years.

You know they say I look young, but I have really suffered. I have not had a happy life. My background was hard, and I’ve had a very bad life. That’s why I’m strong.

Have men ever given you trouble?

Exactly. So I don’t want to talk about it. Put it behind me.

I supported my children. I left my children with my boyfriend’s mother, when my son was just nine months. First I left my son at home with my parents. I gave my daughter to my boyfriend, you know. Then my boyfriend came to my Mum and said, ‘Joy says you must give me the son’. So my Mum gave him my baby. She didn’t know. I just cried.

So I just supported the children. He’s not responsible. His mother is a good person. But she cannot control her son. None of them, father, mother, son, were working, so I supported them. In Malaysia I made good money, in Brunei, very good money, in Ireland good money. So I could manage.

But now they don’t have my children, so I don’t support them any more.

Before, my children didn’t know me. I never talked to them. I never saw my children for ten years, except one day, here, one day there. I saw them sometimes when I was there on holiday. I visited them just for two days. The father would not let me visit too long, because my children were too young. They did not know who I was. My daughter wrote letters to me abroad. But she did not know how to write in English. We had to use English. We had to tell people next door to write to my address, to Brunei, to Malaysia. . When mobile phones came, I bought them mobiles. Then I started to talk, and tried, you know, (breaks down) to explain… why I could not be with them. I’m so happy when my children are with me.

Now you are married?

I met my husband here in Ireland. His name is Christopher Waters. I worked here for two and a half years before I went out. I was never going out because I’m not good in pubs. I don’t drink. When I finished work at the guesthouse, I just stayed in my room and read a book. I didn’t have TV.

This girl used to work with me. One day we had a meal with her family from France. I always gave her letters that came from her family, because she didn’t work there any more. So one day she said, ‘you must come out, you must talk to people.’ So one night I went with her to the pub. I met her friend, and my husband there.

I didn’t trust men before I met my husband,

My husband had an earring, he did not cut his hair, but he had no hair on top. His hair was white, even though he is one year younger than myself. He is 41. I am 42. He and his friend liked me, but I am not used to people. He got my number and tried to call me, but I really didn’t trust him, you know? Then he called me to have a meal with his sister and brother-in-law. He wanted me to know his family. Later we went to the pub and I just talk to his sister. Then we got to know each other a little. And I trusted him a little. Then next month he brought me to meet another sister and brother. The following month he brought me to meet the whole family. And then we were friendly.

He called for me in the morning when we had rain, to collect me for work, because he didn’t want me to get wet. For about three months, we grew closer. After one year, eleven months, I went home for a holiday. He asked me if he could visit my Mum and he also wanted to visit his uncle in Thailand.

He bought a ring and he gave it to me there. Now we have been married one year, four months. We got married in Glengariff, first the church in Bantry. I was happy. He is a very nice man. His father and mother have a nursing home in Blackrock. He works there. Before, he was used to freedom, to drinking. Now he doesn’t drink much. He is very good.

For me, I think Irish men, when they love somebody, they just love somebody. But in Thailand, when they love somebody, they still go out, go with other girls. I don’t know. It’s the fashion. But Irishmen are different. I just love him. He is very good to me. We are very good to each other. He wants to retire to Thailand. He wants to do food, or a guesthouse, something like that in Thailand. But I don’t know when. Ten, fifteen years, maybe. One day, we will do that.

My boy is with me now. I got him into school here. He is 15 years old and has a lot of Irish friends. He really likes them. He says they have good hearts. He forgets Thailand. When first I took him here, I said to him, ‘If the weather is not good for you, if it’s hard for you, if you miss your friends in Thailand, if you don’t feel happy, you can go home. You can try it for three months, and then see. Or if you want, you can stay here with me.’

At the moment, he is still my dependent. After 18 he cannot come. He said, ‘I’m happy Mum, I want to stay with you.’ I left my son when he was a baby. He was two years old. I left him with his father. But I sent money. I took care of him. But what does he understand about that? He asked me, ’Mummy, don’t you love me?’ I said, ‘I do love you, I just have to work, but I cannot stay with your father. So you stay there.’ I said to myself, some day I will get my son with me, but I will get him when he grows up. It’s not good to grow up without your mother, but now he knows I am a good mum. He has been here six months now. I have never been with my son, all his life. He was in a different part of Thailand. It’s not the same language. But we understand each other, because my hometown is near Lao. I speak Lao. People who live near Cambodia, they speak Cambodian. My son speaks North, so we speak North when we are together. He loves me. Sometime he doesn’t understand why until now we couldn’t be together. How for 14 years, I left him.

My son is so happy he’s here now with me. My son is a bit like me. His name is Zak. He can do everything! He is so proud. He says, ‘Mum, I can speak English!’ He takes special English lessons. At school he plays sport. He’s very good. He cleans, cooks. Before he didn’t know how. I had to teach him. I said, ‘you have to know. Do your duty, finish school, help your mummy, do this. Your stepfather is not your real father, but you must make him happy.’ So they are laughing, they are very good friends.

Does he miss his own father?

I don’t think he misses him. I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it. But he loves me. He wanted to come to me. He asked me for a long time.

I will get my daughter to visit me sometime. She is studying in college now, in Thailand. If my daughter wants to visit, she can visit now, but I have to have money to show the government. I had her when I was 23 years old. So she is 20 now. She looks a little bit like me, a little bit like her grandmother. Her name is Shy (pronounced Sigh) which means sand.

Have you settled in Ireland? Does it feel like home for you now?

I like Ireland, but you know, one day I will go back to Thailand, because it’s my country.

Do you have Thai friends here?

Yes, we have. They have a restaurant here in Kinsale. They are really good friends. We also have friends in Dublin, and one friend in Waterford, and my sister in Cork. She came two years ago. She got a job in a hotel.

How is the rest of your family doing?

My parents are still there. But they are too old to move. I support them by sending them €100 a month. My mum doesn’t have good eyes now. She cannot see much. I have supported my mother and father since I left school. Until I came here, I could not give so much, but they didn’t need to work hard any more. My family did not get not much schooling, but when I got a job in Bangkok, I sent my youngest sister to school. I supported her, all of them. My sister came here when I got her a job. My daughter doesn’t know her plan yet. She visited me last year. Then she had to go back to the college. She doesn’t want to be in the college, but she doesn’t know where to go.

What are the negative aspects of Ireland for you?

Too expensive!

The weather, first was cold, then it was OK for me. I just wear something warm. Now I love the weather here more than Thailand. It’s too hot for me there. But the food is not good, and it’s very expensive. In my country, my food was mostly vegetables and fruit. Also there is the language problem for me. I’m sorry my English is not good.

What are the positive aspects about life in Ireland as you see it?

The people in Ireland are very kind. They are like Thai people. Especially old women, old men. If I ask directions, they just take me there. Also the music is the same. We have the same type of instruments. Look at this. (Shows me a wind instrument, like a one stringed fiddle, only with a much longer neck, and thicker bowl.) I love music. I do Thai dance also.

People have good hearts, like Thai people. So I am happy living here. The rest is not a problem. People with good hearts, that is the important thing. My background was very, very bad. But I am very happy now.

As I was leaving, Joy asked me to tell people that although in Thailand certain types of massage are offered, her massages are strictly regular. The massages she offers are Thai, Balinese, Malay, Slimming, Swedish, and foot reflexology. ‘But no kissy, kissy!’ she said to me. Or as she firmly had to say to one enthusiastic male enquirer: ‘no mickey massage!’
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European powers began travelling to Thailand in the 16th century, but despite frequent attempts, failed to colonise the country. Thailand is the only south-east Asian nation never to have been colonised by a European country, because Thailand had a long succession of very able rulers in the 1800s and it was also able to exploit the rivalry and tension between the French and British. However, Vietnam did lose one large territory in the Mekong to the French and three predominantly ethnic-Malay southern provinces, which later became part of Malaysia in the Anglo-Siamese treaty of 1909.

In 1932, a bloodless revolution resulted in a new constitutional monarchy. During the Second World War, Thailand was allied with Japan, while at the same time having an active anti-Japanese resistance movement known as the Seri Thai. After the war, Thailand emerged as an ally of the United States.

In the succeeding decades, Thailand went through a period characterised by coups and military regimes, eventually progressing towards a democracy. However, a military junta overthrew the elected government again in September 2006, declared martial law, and appointed one of the King’s Privy Councillors as Prime Minister, a position that could be terminated at any time. Martial law was partially revoked in January 2007, but the junta continues to censor the media and has been accused of several other human rights violations. The ban on political activities was lifted in July 2007 and a new constitution was approved by a referendum on August 19, leading to plans for democratic elections in December 2007.

In 1997, Thailand was hit by the Asian financial crisis, but by May 2007, the Thai baht had recovered and was valued at 33 baht to the US dollar. The official calendar in Thailand is based on an Eastern version of the Buddhist Era, which is 543 years ahead of the Gregorian (Western) calendar. For example, the year AD 2007 is called 2550 BE in Thailand.

Source: Wikipedia.org