Suleiman's magic carpets

Suleiman Aydiner is a charming Turkish guy in his early thirties, living in Kinsale. Somehow, he blends right in here, and most people take him for an Irishman in spite of his accent. It’s his manner, which is very relaxed. His brown hair is often hidden under a cap, and green eyes twinkle from under it. He’s been here seven years, has his own business, and is about to become an Irish citizen. As I was passing his carpet shop, he smiled at me, and I walked right in. We sat down, right there on one of his beautiful carpets, and soon enough he was telling me his story.

I was born in Turkey in the East, in Ismir. My mother is from Fethiye, on the Mediterranean side, between Bodrum and Antalya. I have a brother. My parents were divorced when I was 14. I was happy for my mother. My father wasn’t a very good man. He had a drink problem and he caused us a lot of difficulties when we were young. So I was very happy to live with my mother’s brothers after that. We moved in with her family and lived there until, I was 19.

Then we moved to Fethiye, my mother’s town, and we set up a business there. I finished technical school and accountancy at college. I also have a degree in English. In Fethiye, we rented a shop. Fethiye is a growing town, and will become a city. It already has over 100 000 people. When all the hotels and B & Bs, reach full capacity, it increases by
30 000 to 40 000 people. Tourists are mostly British. Some British people live there too.

Now the house prices are rising, although compared to Ireland it’s still cheap. What British people do is they come to retire there, or they set up a B & B. Do business. Live very happily. Fethiye is a resort town, on the sea. We have got two beaches one on the north side and one on the south side. The north side is very popular. It’s Oludaniz, quite big. The other side is Calis. So we live right in the middle. I used to work in the bazaars. I travelled around the coast. I’d go away for a week. You buy a stall, and pay either every month or every year, like a lease. They give you a licence, so you can travel wherever the markets are. So that was my job.

How was life growing up as a teenager?

I was very active. I did quite a lot of sport when I was young. So I was away from the family problems. I played basketball mainly, football, volleyball. After school we’d just leave our bags, meet up with the team and just play in the playground. I was quite free. My family couldn’t say anything to me. I was studying and getting good marks in school.

My brother was pretty sick when he was young. He had a problem with his kidneys. He spent a lot of time in the hospital, and he has to make sure he never gets cold. We can never take chances. What the doctor said was that it’s going to take till he’s 18. He’s perfect now. But then he was so weak. Whereas I was never sick. I was very strong. My father and mother are strong. My mother has asthma now, but that came later. I think it was stress from the relationship with my father. I’m 31. My mother is almost 50 now. At that time, you couldn’t leave if you had a child. I mean, what you gonna do?

Life in Turkey is very modern. My family never pushed me during religion festivals to go to the mosque. My mother never covered her face. When you’re in the mosque, you will cover the head. Also, when you’re in the street, in 45 degrees, you need to cover your head. They wear light colours, not dark colours. But it’s for protection, not religion. My grandmother just prayed at home.

It is still common in the extended families to live in the same room. Even though we had a very big house – five bedrooms – we only used four bedrooms. Things are changing in Turkey now, but in the villages, this is still common for the families to live together, especially the ladies. You have to be with your families until you are married. You normally live at home till you’re about 18. At a certain age, you go to university.

Was your parents’ marriage an arranged one?

Well, my father met my mother first, and he told his father and mother. He asked their permission. Then they visited my mother’s side and asked permission and there you go.

Is there a dowry tradition?

It depends on where you were born. It’s different in the north, south, east and west. But say, the bride brings all the furniture, the fridge, the television etc to the marriage, and the man comes with something different. They will not get married with empty hands. They bring half half. Before they get married, of course, they should find all the equipment for house, so it is all set up before they move in. We also give the Turkish bride a present. Gold is very popular. Almost everybody, whoever is invited, gives the bride a present of jewellery. It’s kind of an investment. If you need money later on, you can exchange the gold for money. With the economy, you couldn’t really survive as a single person.

What is the average age of a bride getting married?

In villages it could be 16, 17. It would be considered young though. It is still traditional to be a virgin, but it’s changing now. It’s more modern. The majority are still virgins, though, of course.

Do young people go to the mosque?

I don’t think so. Not really. At school you’ve got religion lessons every week. ‘Your Christian is like this, your Protestant like that, your Sunni, and so on.’ All I believed was that there is one God, and it looks after all of us. I don’t believe that there is a black or white god. Just one, it looks after us all. That’s all that matters for me. That’s what I believe, God forgive me. I can still pray in Arabic, but I can’t speak Arabic. I don’t want to know what the Koran says. I don’t want to know what the bible says.

What languages do you learn at school?

Turkish, German, English, French. You can learn Arabic as well, but not at school, at the mosque. They have hoca, (which you call priests here). And you can get lessons. Most of my friends did it. They didn’t push it. In fact they prefer that, if you’re not willing to do it, just don’t do it at all. I didn’t do it. As I said, my family never pushed me. My friends did have family pressure. They didn’t want to do it, but, you know…

What is the current situation in Turkey now?

It’s a democracy. I was in Turkey when the election was on, four years ago. For as long as I remember, there was always a coalition. Economy-wise Turkey is a poor country. We could go faster if there was only one party. Now it’s like a partnership, so much negotiation and discussion, not enough action. There are also other problems, terror-wise. With our neighbours we have problems as well. I mean, look at our neighbours, Greece, Iraq, Iran, Russia.

What do the Turkish people want?

Turkish people want to be safe and economically secure. They want to live comfortably. It wasn’t that comfortable there, because when we hear the news, we hear: ‘Istanbul bomb attack’, ‘attack in the east.’ People are afraid. It’s all to do with the Kurdish problem.

Is there military service?

Yes, there is. I did military service.

What do you think of military service?

I think every man should do it. My brother did it. I did it, all my uncles. Women can do it as well. It’s optional for them, Usually they pick the air force. It’s normally for 18 months. I did it for 16 months because I went to the east of Turkey. As soon as your name is on the computer, you give them the OK, and they tell you where you are going to do your training. It could be anywhere. They train you to get fit, to use weapons. You feel strong. You learn self-discipline. You say, ‘I’ve done my job for Turkey.’

They shave you completely, give you clothes and off you go. ‘Here’s where you sleep. See you at breakfast at 6am.’ You wait for 20 minutes in the cold. The officer comes up and says, ‘good morning’, then takes you off to the training base. After the first three months you go home for 15 days. It’s compulsory. They look at your education as
well, so after three months you are told where you will go for the next 15 months. I was sent to the east, where the fighting was. My mother was pretty upset. But I wanted to go, to see with my own eyes what was going on there. I used an MG3 automatic. I think it’s American. It takes 30 bullets.

I went to Diyarbakir, which was 60 miles outside the city, Hini. We protected civilians. Bullets holes were everywhere, in all the buildings. It was scary, to be honest. I was 22. This was after university. I was cavurs (2 strike) a team leader. They asked me to stay on after my military service but I said no.

The Kurds fight for what they believe. They want their own independence, language, TV etc. But Turkey is one country. We should all live as brothers and sisters.


I could be a Kurd. I don’t know. I don’t know my bloodline. I could be French. (I have blue eyes.) We could have Italian blood. A lot of history comes through Turkey so we don’t know. Kurdish people have a Turkish passport. They speak Kurdish and Turkish. Kurdish is not taught at school. I don’t know what percentage of the population is Kurdish. Maybe 15 million people.

People who have never been to Turkey have no idea what it’s like there. They see what they read, and judge from that.

Have you ever been married?

Yes.
Next door to our shop was a restaurant owned by an English lady who was married to my friend, who was Turkish. Her name was Samantha. We know each other probably two years. She said to me one day, ‘my friend’s coming over from England. Would you look after her?’ So that’s how I met my wife. She arrived, and we went from there.

We got married when I was 20 and Joanna was 28. My mother was surprised, because I was so young. I was completely in love. It wasn’t like a summer love. I knew her for a
year and a half before we married. She came over and went back to England, and came back four times. We just had a quick marriage. My brother was the witness. She got a Turkish passport. It’s no problem to get a Turkish passport. There you go! But by then I already had my army papers.



We were together for two years, living in Turkey. Then I decided to do my call-up. I said, ‘I will do the army now. It’s going to take me 18 months. If you’re willing to wait, that’s fine. If you’re not, again, fine by me. Until I do the army, I’m not free. After that, I can just travel whenever I like. So I can get on with my life. It’s kind of huge. Sooner or later you have to do it.’ I decided to get it over and done with.

She went back to England to stay with her family. She was from Cornwall. But after a while, she moved to Ireland. They have friends in Kenmare. She got a job in a hotel there. She worked there until I finished the army. When I finished it, she came to Turkey, and said, ‘would you be interested in Kenmare?’ I spent six or seven weeks with my family after the army, did the paperwork, got the work permit. The ticket was bought, and I found myself in Ireland in 1997.

What did you know about Ireland?

Nothing. I knew the language, where it was, and that it was a small country. I knew the accent was going to be hard!

We separated after two years here. Things weren’t going right. Maybe it was me. Probably it was just too soon for me, after the army, to go to a strange country. I needed to spend more time at home to get back to real life after the army. It was hard for me. Sometimes you just don’t know where you are. I kept thinking, ‘I should be in Turkey
with my friends.’ I mean, when we got married, I was ready. She was ready as well. Everything was OK at that time. But I didn’t give myself enough time to adjust to life again after the army. I should have spent more time alone. Sometimes I thought I was still single, still in the army.

I was working in the bar in the hotel. We didn’t get on well. So I said after 2 years working in the same place, ‘enough’. I went back to Turkey for a while. Did a diving course. I was always planning to do it anyway, so I did that until I could figure out if I’d change my mind. But I didn’t. So I went back, and we split up.



Why did you choose to stay in Ireland after splitting up?

When I was in Turkey, after three months, I thought, ‘I’m going to give it a shot again.
I’m going to save money and do something in Ireland.’ Which is what I’m doing now.

I did feel tempted to stay in Turkey. But I thought I mightn’t get this chance again. Age-wise and everything. To get a visa is very hard. So I gave it a chance to see how it would go.

I went to Killarney and was working in the bar in a hotel there. I was doing everything and they really liked me. After awhile, I said, ‘okay, I’ve had enough of Killarney’. I was talking to a friend of mine about four places: Connemara, Tramore, Kinsale and Clonakilty. He said to me, ‘Kinsale is the best place to live.’ I looked on the computer. There was a job there. I called, got an interview, met and started the job. It was in the Armada pub.

That was my first job. Mary was the boss. She is a great person. I had a great time. Then an opportunity came up to run the hostel in Castlepark in Kinsale. I was doing my dive master course and they asked me to run the hostel for them. So I told Mary. She supported me. I said, ‘I’ll be back when they close for the winter.” And I did that. Went back to Armada for a while.

Then Castlepark got planning permission to build apartments and they closed the hostel and I had to move out. So I got work at another pub. But there were problems there. It was to do with bad management. I was unfairly dismissed. I called the Revenue people and said, ‘tell me where I stand.’ I got help. It turned out I wasn’t on the books. I explained to the Revenue department, that Andy had faxed my PRSI number to the accountant and I thought everything was square. So they said to me, ‘here’s the information office number they will help you’.

The meeting came up. I didn’t talk. They said, ‘okay you can come back to the job’. I said, ‘thanks, but I don’t think I’ll go back. I don’t think it’s going to work under this management’.

Do you think she had a problem with you because you’re Turkish?

No. She was negative towards everyone. As far as I know, from what I hear. I have never had a hassle with anyone because I’m Turkish. No one has ever given me a problem for being Turkish, ever. I was dealing with people, drinking with them. Well, only once, but he wasn’t Irish. He was American actually.

Do you think the Irish feel threatened by immigrants coming in to the country?

Well, they’re friendly to me anyway!

I don’t know, to be honest. You get different stories. You go north, you hear different stories, you go east, you hear different stories. But I’ve had no hassle. I’m going to get my Irish citizenship soon, because I’ve been here seven years.

What happened after you left that second pub?

After that, I decided, it’s risky wherever you work. So I’m going to take the plunge and set up my own business. It’s a win-win situation for me. There is no
guarantee, wherever you go, but… thanks to a friend of mine, I got the lease. And the Credit Union helped me. And friends. We have the business in Turkey, so I don’t have a problem getting the stuff here. I just tell them what colours I want, what patterns, and they send over what they have, and everything is fantastic for me.

My family sells kilims (carpets) as well as loads of other stuff. But I’m quite limited with my space here, so I just sell kilims, some small crafts and jewellery and cushions and so on. The stuff in Istanbul is incredible, you couldn’t imagine. If the business is good, I will probably come up with a different business plan in two years. We have a lease for four years, so we’ll see how it goes.

I have a girlfriend from Poland. We met here. She’s working in a nursing home near
Kinsale. She’s very happy there, and people are happy with her. She helps me out during the summer. We’ve got a good relationship. It’ll be one year on the 26 February.

After your last marriage, would you consider remarrying?

I will marry again. I’d like children. I think the time’s coming up now. I’m working on it!

How do you find Irish people in general?

Very friendly. When they’re not drunk! When you work in a pub, you see everything. You see the bright side and the dark side of a person in four hours! But usually they’re very friendly and hospitable.

What’s your opinion of Irish drinking habits?

In Turkey, we drink a lot, but we don’t hurry, we don’t say, ‘oh the pub is closing soon, I have to have five or six drinks so I can get drunk before then’. We go to places where there is live music. We talk to friends. We can go on till 5 in the morning, still not drunk.

I don’t think later closing times in Ireland would change drink habits though. The culture would have to change completely. They might go up later, if the pub closed at 4am, but
still drink the same way. They think a good night out means to get very drunk. They drink too fast.

I find Ireland and Turkey similar. If you take Ireland 30 or 40 years ago, it would be similar to living in Turkey. Turkey is a little bit behind Europe, but it’s catching up fast. Being in Europe has helped Ireland a lot. We can see how the culture has changed in Ireland. Turkey, whether we want it or not, will also change. We don’t know what’s going to happen

Do you think joining the EU would be good for Turkey?

It would be. I would like to see Europeans all living under the same roof. I would like to see new Turkish generations visiting other countries. You can go on holidays, see other cultures, receive hospitality wherever you go. And offer it too.

I think mixing cultures is good. It brings people together. I have no problem about where I raise my kids, whether it’s here, or Turkey, or Poland. I would like to raise my children here. But I would raise them my way, so it doesn’t really matter where they are, or what passport they have. It’s all good experience for them. Europe is one place. Here I feel completely safe, completely at home. In the long term, I will stay in Ireland. If we have money later, maybe we’ll buy a house in Turkey or Poland. Rather than putting money into a car (because insurance here is so expensive) we plan to save as much as possible, get a good relationship with the bank, definitely buy a house here (rather than pay rent). These are our plans.

How is your business going?

Business is not bad. This is our first year. But it could be better. Hopefully in the coming year, it’ll be better, because people are getting to know what we have. Almost all the houses these days need something cheap, colourful, practical. I’ve never had complaints about my prices. They start, for a handmade kilim (carpet), at €50 for the smallest size, to €600 for the biggest. People think it might be cheaper in Turkey, but it’s not cheap
there, at all. I have my normal expenses, of shipping, VAT, overheads here, of course. But still, it’s hard to deal with people in Turkey, unless you’re connected. So it’s good for Irish people that I can pay less for the kilims than someone else importing them. The cheaper they are to buy, the cheaper you can sell them. If you’ve done business in Turkey you know what’s going on and you can do the deals.

What is your dream?

My dream is a boat. It’s a wooden boat. I would like to do private charters for birthday or wedding parties. But insurance is a nightmare here. I have to win the Lotto first, probably, to make my dream come true!

What are the pros and cons of living in Ireland compared to, say, England?

Well I’ve spent time in England, but it wasn’t my cup of tea. Ireland is more natural. The people are more hospitable than British people. The quality of life is high.

Ireland is expensive though. If you look at your weekly or monthly wages coming in and at the outgoings, there’s no chance of saving. You will probably go into debt. But Ireland is the safest country you could ever live in. There is no trouble whatsoever. Well of course there is trouble in Limerick and Cork, in the cities. They are shooting and dying. But it’s not like in Turkey or Spain. There’s no bomb attack. So in that way, I can say it’s the safest country. I would say it’s a really class country.

Since my conversation with Suleiman, he has sold his shop, married his Polish girlfriend, and moved to Blarney, where he has opened up a café with an Irish partner.

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Turkey has been wooing Europe since 1959, with the intention of being accepted as a European state. Finally, official talks with the EU have begun, and there is an acceptance that Turkey will be considered as a new member from 2014. The 2007-1013 budget, which is currently under negotiation, is not taking into account the heavy costs of incorporating Turkey as a member, however, and accession may well be delayed until 2020. As well as consideration of the financial costs, Turkey must also have adopted
80 000 pages of EU law by the entry date. All 25 of the current member states must ratify the treaty before Turkey is permitted to join.

A major argument in favour of accepting Turkey as a member is that it will help to forge closer ties between the West and the Muslim world, and facilitate Turkey in stabilising the volatile region beyond its eastern and southern borders. For the Kurds, who make up 20% of the Turkish population, EU membership will also be a safeguard against discrimination.

Source: BBC World website